TICKETS ARE ON SALE!

That's right kids! Tickets go on sale today for my stand up/variety shows in Malad, ID at the Iron Door Playhouse December 4th and 5th. Call the Theatre to reserve your seats at (208) 766-4705 or (208) 766-2517 or email me. Word on the street is that they will sell out quick. Oy! That means I better get back to writing jokes! I can't guarantee the same show twice!! 

OPRAH, OH OPRAH, WHERE FOR ART THOU MY OPRAH!

Tis' a sad weekend for middle-aged white ladies across the country and abroad. Miss Oprah Winfrey has announced the end of her show in September 2011. She will go on to bigger and better things, but that leads me to anxiously question....
what books are we going to read? 
What are we going to watch everyday at 4 in the afternoon? 
What am I going to get my loved ones for christmas, if I don't have her favorite things show to tell me what to go get!!
What movies will I watch? Without her show promoting oscar contenders I don't know which movies and casts are "heartwarming," or "uplifting" or if they will "change my outlook on life"!!!
Will I ever have an "Aha!" moment again??
But She is leaving us with a few things to keep us in check........
I would have totally forgot about Mackenzie Phillips, not to mention her "relationship" with her father! 
She taught us how to cook with Rachel Ray. 
We learned crazy from Dr. Phil. 
We learned: My Uterus/Myself from Dr. Oz
What else did she give us??? 
Oh yeah, She even gave us Preseident Obama. 

BEHIND THE CURTAIN

Ok, kids, so today I am posting a teeny-tiny little video of myself recording some of the schtick that is to be on my upcoming album....."I am More Than My Feet." I think this the first of many takes we did on this joke. please tell me it is funny..........
And there you have it!

GRANDMA NEAL IS NOT HAPPY

I was visiting with my sweet Grandmother Neal and Aunt Sharon on Monday night and all things were going well, until I started asking them about their day. That is when I whipped out the flip cam, and caught grandma's rampage. As you watch the film below, know that she has no idea she is being filmed! What a good sport! There will for sure be a follow up on her search for PERRY MASON......

THE ALBUM IS DONE!

Hey there folks, so just a quick update, I spent last tuesday night in the studio finishing up my shtick for my comedy album titled, "I am more than my feet."It should be ready for purchase thru this website, itunes, or the trunk of my car on Dec 1. I will post some video tomorrow of me clowning around in the studio, and such, tomorrow.

AN OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE

So, I have a close friend named Alicia. She is the "White Queen Latifah,"and we have been besties before You Tube, The First Computer, The Berlin Wall, Peal Harbor, The Motor Car was Invented, Moses wandered in the wilderness, and before a guy Adam met....well, you get the point, we have been friends for a long time. Well, we have family who kindly pushes or prods and maybe gossips that we should date and get married, so here is our response.....

Sorry I said "Suck It!" I know better than that. I was just caught up in the heat of the moment.....

A SERIOUS NOTE

In the spring, my Grandfather passed. He was about as close to perfect as a human being as you can become. I learned from him every time we spoke. He was a veteran of WWII and what would have been his 91st birthday is coming up on sunday. He looked and acted 20 years younger. I miss and think and am inspired by him everyday. He was a true hero in the smallest and biggest of ways. I am posting this to celebrate him, and to share some of the joy and wit that he had about him. He may have passed that on to one of his grandsons. Maybe. This was taken the first time I showed them my new car. I put my shades on him and this is how they posed. They are the ultimate in cool.......

MARY CHRISTMAS

So, I was at work the other night, taking names on the waiting list, and I had a very pleasant lady give me her name, which was "Merry." I asked her where her little lamb was, and she laughed and told me that she was born on Christmas day and it was spelled as in "Merry Christmas" and even had the middle name of "Chris." I called B.S. and asked to see some ID, skeptical. Sure enough! I have never of anyone having that!!!  I almost died. How funny! What if she was born on Easter, of Thanksgiving, or Leap Year? She was so nice and I think appreciated the good laugh that I got out of her name. If you are reading this, Merry, I would love to do an interview with you. It would be fun and silly. Contact me thru email or such. This story should put a little "Joy" in ya'll's hearts today.....

A STAR IS BORN

So, this is my married co-worker named Melissa. She is crazy. She begged to be on the blog. So here is some of her finest, well, our finest moments......

                                                                                                                                                                              Here we are pulling our sorry, sad, pouty lip faces. Heavy on the sad for sure. Maybe we should be the faces for charities this holiday season. We look pathetic. 

I stuck a pager sticker (they are WAY sticky, by the way! My eyebrows don't need to be waxed this month!) to my forehead. Don't worry, I am a paid professional. When your table is ready I will shake and light up. 

And Finally, she won a Snuggie on Halloween for winning the gave we were playing. A Snuggie? Really? I mean REALLY? I have one too! It's called a bathrobe and all I need to do is wear it backwards!! 

Though it doesn't look like it, we actually do work. Mostly. Almost.  

HE'S MAKIN' A LIST, CHECKIN' IT TWICE......

So, I was at work at *Corporate America* a few weeks ago, (yes, I have a mustache in that pic....) and a heavy set jolly man in red came waltzing in. He was in line to have me put his name on the list to get a table. Well, as I saw him, I suddenly became a 5 year old, and began swaying back and forth as I was doing the "Pee-Pee" dance. It was SANTA!! The real deal. He had a real beard white as snow, all dressed in red with even a red cap on and black buckle shoes!!  He greeted everyone and was jolly and nice and had some nice friends with him. He told me that so far I have been on the good list this year, but I am only hanging on by a thread. 
I asked him it he had heard the song "Santa Clause is coming to town." He looked at me like I was a rock. "Yes, of course I do." "Well," I said,"That song has made me an insomniac. You see me when I am SLEEPING you know when I am AWAKE. The whole song sounds like a threat. I better be nice because your coming to town? What are you packin' a baseball bat or bringin' the mob? Seriously I have insomnia." He laughed really hard, and told me to calm down, and that was no big deal, but he did tell me that I snored a lot.....

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

Have you ever wondered, like me, what Yoda drives? You know, when he is not in any of those pesky George Lucas movies about princesses, and the dark side, and killer flashlight swordfights? Well, the other day, I found out answer, a mazda3..........
(and yeah, I took this while I was driving. I am kind of daredevil that way.....)