CHASE'S COMMENTARY CORNER

Okay, folks, I am just thinking and collecting my thoughts this morning and thought I would share with you. Plus I like the rhyming in the title of the post. Everything sounds better with "corner" put in it. No. Wait a second, now I sound like Tiger Woods.....

Kangaroo pouches amaze me. AMAZE me. It is like a "womb with a view"! How would you like it if your mother strapped your room to her stomach and hopped around with it. I think I would have always picked up my dirty socks. So do Kangaroos always have a C-section when they give birth? Do the kanga-babies birth out of the pouch? Do I want to know?

I was at Walmart earlier tonight and was browsing in the movie department. I saw that the movie "Cocoon" was recently released on blu-ray. We all remember that one, don't we? It is a movie from the late 80's about old people that are visited by aliens and a swimming pool is involved or something. I don't quite remember. When I saw that this had been released on hi-def blu-ray, I thought, "That movie is going to show more wrinkles and folds and creases than oragami. Poor Wilford Brimley." If you don't know who he is, google him. That movie is just littered with geriatrics....

It has been reported that Dame Elizabeth Taylor is ENGAGED! ENGAGED! (She has supposedly denied reports on her twitter. Twitter?! What a hip ol' granny! She is in her 70's, and tweets!) That woman has been married 8 times! Twice to the same man! She has famously told Oprah, Barbra Walters, Entertainment Tonight, and anyone who will listen, that she will NEVER marry again. (A little bit ago, I posted some videos of her anti-marriage rants, and even a howl! Just go back a few pages!) The Dame keeps things interesting! Well, you know what they say: "If at first you don't succeed, fail, fail, again....." or "The ninth time is the charm!"

and, in a final thought this morning---

My sister, Allison, is a happy, Mother and Wife that loves her family and loves life. We are bonded very much by our senses of humor and our fingers on the pulse of pop culture. Her favorite band is Five for Fighting that is known for such songs as, "Superman," "100 Years," "Disneyland," and their latest, "Chances." She took her loving husband, my brother-in-law, Justin, to a concert last week where she got to up her "groupie" status a little more. She went backstage after the show, to the meet and greet, and got to meet the singer/songwriter that rocks her socks. This would be equal for me meeting those Jonas Brothers, my favorite. So she tells the singer how much she loves the music, and the one thing that every rockstar wants to hear. "I crank up your music and listen to it while I clean my house!!!" He responded with a half-hearted "Great." and took a picture with her! So when the next Five for Fighting album comes out, I am sure that there will be talk by the band, "what songs will help Allison dust her shelves a little quicker?" "I think this song will really help her put some bounce in her house." They may even write a song or two just for her. I can hear them now..... "Dirty Laundry" or "Vaccum The Stairs"---

CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OF

I am involved and influenced by a many great people. My friend and business associate, Young Sim, is prepping a mix tape that he has been workin' hard on with original jams and remixes, and even talked me into (ok, I jumped at the chance faster than that new Miley Cyrus movie bombed at the box office [and no I have not seen it. yet.]) hosting the mixtape. I play a...well it's funny, and it's got some hip-hop that is clean, and makes you feel good. Here is a sample of  a remix of "State of Mind" that he did with Facts, in fact...



Now mind you, this mixtape will be available for free download SOON, and if this has not sold you enough, it will contain my stirring rendition of the Alicia Keys chorus of "Empire State of Mind" (I bet you can't wait.......)

MY, MY, WHAT A BIG CARROT YOU HAVE THERE.....

Happy belated Easter, there folks! I am just now finding the eggs, and let me tell you, it smells like rotten eggs around here! Either that, or I need to do my laundry.

 Do you know what is worse than finding an easter egg a week after Easter? Finding it two weeks late. Ha. Anyone? Is this thing on?

As a springtime gift, the folks over at The Muppet's Studio have gave us a viral video with a monster named Big Mean Carl, dressed as a bunny, and all he is asking is to "Stand By Me"......




There is nothing like a little violence served up by our friends, The Muppets.....

I AM NOT DEAD

Hey campers! I have been offline for a week or so. My mac decided to up and just blow-up on me the other day, so I have been without access to my little horse and pony show on the world wide internet of web here. Let me tell you, it has been rough. People have thought I have been depressed, or dead, or worse, actually busy with a life. Nope, just a computer malfuntion.

MARCH MADNESS, MADNESS, I TELL YOU!!!

 My friends over at The Muppetcast, (the Muppet podcast) and Toughpigs.com ( the Muppet fan site) have banned together to create a great amusement for us folks who don't get too excited over college basketball, but get excited over brackets, and elimination, and rub-it-in-your-face-if-you-lose-you-poor-sucker-competition.
They have come up with "The Muppet Madness Tournament" to take place in the month of March. It is The Show (The Muppet Show, that is) Vs. The Street (of Sesame) Vs. The Rock (of Fraggles) Vs. The Rest (Dark Crystal, Labyrinth, Muppet Babies, Anyone?) that make out our brackets. It is a hoot. A hoot, I said. I have peppered my post here with some fan-made art to demonstrate said hoot.

Week one, just finished, but you can still jump in. Go to: www.muppetcast.com/tournament to vote (you can vote every 12 hours!) and print yourself off one of those handy little brackets and start an office pool. Hey, before you know it, who will need the NCAA?

Have I still not sold you on this terrific, genius, sensational, Muppetational, idea yet? Well, listen to my buddy Steve Swanson talk about it by clicking here:  http://bit.ly/aJPSrs

Cute, huh? Yeah, he could sell exploding socks to a Gonzo anytime. Wait. That would not be hard. Anywho, Join in on the fun, or lose out, it's your loss, bub.
(We are all kind of holding our breath until the end to see if KERMIT vs. PIGGY will come to fruition for the championship. I pee myself just thinking about it.....)

And, I will even catch you up to speed. Here it is, hot off the press, week one, round one, level one, chapter one, page one, line one, the first.....well, the votes are in.....

Now go vote for this week! Kermit needs you!

NUN BOWLING!!

Holy smoke! Have you ever hit a spare sinning?



Wipe Out, Indeed!!!

IF YOU CAN ESCAPE FROM THE NAZIS YOU CAN HANDLE ANYTHING....

This June TVLAND will debut "Hot In Cleveland" starring future SNL host, (May 8) Betty White. She plays a Elka, a caretaker to a home that three women move into. This thing looks hilarious. 88 year old Betty White is the Hollywood "it" girl of the moment. She has only been around since the dawn of television to get here! Check out this short clip from TVLAND's "Hot In Cleveland" coming this June.....

"Are you a cop? Then what's it to ya?" HaHa I can't wait!

MODEL BEHAVIOR

I have been laughing at this all day long! it is funnier with the sound off! C'mon now. We all laugh when we see someone fall down. When I fall down, no one is laughing harder than me. Anywho, enjoy this!




P.S. The girl is ok. Glad that she is ok.

WHAT AUNT KIM KNEEDS

My dear Aunt Kim had knee surgery on Monday, (it was a success, she is recovering nicely) but before she went, Sunday night she sat down and made a couple videos for me. Take a look.......






and also.....







She is such a good sport! Happy recovery! She now has TWO "bionic" knees!

THIN IS IN OR FAT IS WHERE IT'S AT

Actress Kirstie Alley has been on every talk show, program, magazine, and street corner talking about her new show. I am so sick of her talking about being fat! She lost the weight. She gained the weight. She lost it. She gained it. She makes me want to be an anorexic just so I am no longer in the "fat club" with her! Check her out on the TODAY show yesterday...

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

plus, isn't kind of funny how mad she gets when they mention Scientology......

YEAH, WELL I GOT A DREAM TOO....

My friend, Joshua Aaron, has digitally remastered an album of his father's from 1981. He has it all set and ready to purchase, and has a goal of selling 1 million copies in the next 12 months. What a goal! Why go a do a thing like that? Here is a word from him:

"You see, Christopher Aaron's music career didn't begin, or  end, with [an] album in 1981. He had been writing and performing for years previous, and has written and performed since. Were it not for a terrible automobile accident in the mid-80's, which put a stop to his music for a long while, he might still be performing today. But even though he is now retired from music, his legacy lives on. I now have his complete collection of music and intend to rearrange the entire portfolio over the next several years, in addition to some of my own originals. This project is called Aaromark. The catch with the Aaromark project is that such an endeavor requires a good amount of financing if one is to do it correctly. So, in an effort to both bring Christopher's music to you and to make it possible for Aaromark to move forward, I invite you to buy Christopher Aaron's “All I Gotta Do Is Dream” at iTunes today. "


It is great music, folks. I admire this friend of mine for doing such a thing and having such a lofty goal. Go ahead and click on the link below and purchase your copy of "All I Gotta Do Is Dream" today! Joshua is a very talented musician himself, and I can't wait to hear what he is going to produce...(he can play that piano like nobody's business!)

itunes.com/ChristopherAaron

CHASE/JOHN

Okay, so over my life I have been compared to one of the greats, John Candy. He was funny, warm, and always the guy in the movie that you emoted with. We lost him to soon. Uncle Buck was constantly being watched in my house growing up.
Well, it is "Mustache March Madness" where I work, and I grew my poor, pathetic excuse for below the nose facial hair. (It is the first time in my life my father has encouraged using mascara. He says it will make it look darker.) No one has barely noticed my mustache. You have to have the right lighting, and I have to all but point it out. Most people just think I need to wipe my nose.
Anywho, driving today, I thought with my little mustache, I looked like John Candy in "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles." You be the judge...

Okay, maybe not. It was a good idea in thought. 

Now just enjoy the trailer for one of the best comedies of all time, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"!!!!

INFO

Just a heads up out there-- One of my favorite comedianes is coming to Salt Lake City on July 16! 

Paula Poundstone

 will be at the Rose Wagner Perfoming Arts Theatre!  You can get tickets here by clicking on this link and going to her website------------->http://www.paulapoundstone.com/tour/ (This is especially for you funny lady I talked to on Friday night!! You know who you are....)

WANNA SEE WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT??!!!

THEN TUNE IN TOMORROW! 

THAT'S SICK!

Here is the treatment plan in my house for anyone who is sick. I woke up with a cold this morning, so I better get to feeling better!

IT'S GOOD TO BE GOLDEN

Whoever made Betty White sad....

Will be haunted by the ghost of Estelle Getty, "The Ghost of "Ma" past!"       

Those Golden Girls have each other's backs, even after this life! 

Oh, and Betty White will be hosting SNL on May 8th!!!

Announcing an Announcement.....Ahem...

Ok Folks, So here is some announcements that I was going to announce. 

My blogspot and facebook fan page are going to become a kind of hybrid of sorts. Expect all kind of sorts of silly everywhere. I have also joined the Feel Good Music Coalition and you can expect great things from that group of folks. Keep checking chasebeechershow.blogspot.com and keep checking facebook.com/pages/chase-beecher We are going to post more newsflash updates, and more adventures with Mr. Whatnot. I will be doing more monologues (at least once a week) that you can look forward to.

 BUT I NEED YOU'RE HELP!! Saturdays and Sundays are fan days here at Chase Beecher central. Send in you fan photos and or videos and all will be put up on the blog!! Sometimes we will have themes and contests!!!! One, only ONE will be chose as the coveted  pic of the week. But the others will be posted on the site as well I just wanna interact with the fans and bring the constant funny!! 

ALL HE HAD WERE EIGHT LITTLE NOTES.....

So last night I checked out American Idol. I was excited to see it broadcast live, finally, and hear the top 24 sing. Tonight was ladies night. I was excited to see Ellen take her place as a judge. I love Mrs. DeGeneres. I was ready for a big night. It did not disappoint. As always, Simon's man-boobs clanging around off camera is always a treat.  If that isn't enough, he always always tells it how it is, warts and all. That is why America loves him and why we have let him keep his green card this long.

American Idol is such a big show. I know this. I just didn't realize how big. Idol beat the Olympics the other night in the ratings game. THE OLYMPICS. That is big. My question is why. Why do we love idol? I think I know. We like to think we are the 5th judge. I know I sit there and point to the TV and say "oh she was so off, and look at that hair. What is bigger, that or her nose? I hated the song. Oy! She needs to get it together." or "He did a good job, except that he was about 2 seconds behind the band" or "WOW! she killed it! I would buy a record from her today!" (By the way, the girl to your left looks like she got caught trying to steal from Madonna's closet in the 80's! just sayin.') We like to think we have a say. We think we are "armchir experts."Well, give me a Coke glass pass me the mic!

Idol over the years, has gave us some great slang. "Dawg," for instance. I don't know if "Dawg" was coined there, but it surely got it stamp of approval for usage by Randy Jackson!! Also,everyone is "pitchy." You are "pitchy." I am "pitchy". At some point in every mammal's life, we will be "pitchy." I don't know what it means,but something to the effect that we are off key, or that Randy Jackson wants to play baseball with us later. Don't forget we also got Willam Hung and his stirring rendition of "She Bangs" and most recently "Pants on the Ground." I just don't want to be a Dawg bangin', pitchy,  all while lookin' like a fool with my pants on the ground. Thank you American Idol.

Now, one last question:How is Paula doing? 

WE WANT YOU TO FEEL GOOD

 Here is a little video that Sim and I made introducing folks that are involved with Feel Good Music Coalition. Sim is the Music Man and I do the Funny. Well, I attempt to, anyhow. More or less, we like to clown wherever we are........

Oh, Liz!

This post is dedicated to my pal, Dustin, and his love for Dame Elizabeth Taylor. She is so sane and responsible and not hollywood at all. She seems to have aged well. Let's take a look.....





And for all you hipsters out there, here is a dance mix!!!!



Here she is making the best of a bad situation by "whooping for joy!"





And WHO could forget Liz at the Golden Globes? She almost announced the winner before announcing the nominees! Classic Liz! sorry the quality is a little shaky...

AN ORDER OF FRIES WITH THAT?!

Above everything, she has to have a great laugh. She has to laugh at the jokes that don't even make sense. Pity laugh is acceptable. Sparkling personality. Needs to like the Muppets. Can't be an "Anti-Mupp-ite." Blonde hair is good. She can like sports, but can't expect me to be able to do them. I break a sweat walking across the street. Being literate is great! We can read my Sesame Street books together. I am tall, so being tall is not a problem.  Most important, if we get married, I will learn how to say, "Yes, Dear." I have heard that you learn that in the marriage seminars....
Okay, that is my chick order. Where do I submit??

(This sign was outside of a feed store on a street near my house. How funny is that?! Of course I know they mean poultry, but I couldn't resist the joke....)

NEWSFLASH UPDATE

and now ladies and gentleman here is this week's installment of Newsflash Update with Len Larrymen...

AND NOW FOR A COMMERCIAL BREAK....

Special thanks to Lauralee and KayDe Call

DOES BOOBIE LOVE CHASE?

My 4 year old nephew, Anson (who got the nickname Boobie from his older sister) has been playing around and acting crazy and been learning about love. Boy has he been teaching me a thing or two....




This kid is going to provide countless material for years to come, I have a feeling. Oh, Boobie.

CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET...

Here are my friends, the Streets, who I used to work with. I had a funny joke for them one day, and I don't think they thought it was as funny as I did.

BEAKER'S BALLAD

This is the latest from The Muppet's Studio. I love it that they are expanding Beaker's world and showing us what he does in his down time from Muppet labs (he makes internet videos!) Plus, I love the Kansas song that he attempts to sing! Classic Muppets and great commentary on the way we use the internet....

Once again, The Muppets are property of the Walt Disney Company, I do not own them or have any right to anything they do or say. Yet.  

MR. WHATNOT TRIES TO SLEEP

Have you heard the latest Black Eyed Peas song, "Imma Be"? Well, Mr. Whatnot tried to go to sleep last night, and well, let's just say that song kept him up.....

VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE

Here is a cute (and pink) little monologue about my Valentine's weekend....

THE JAMMIE-SHUFFLE

This video represents fun at "corporate america" My friend and co-worker Kait, wanted to star, and do the "Jammie Shuffle" from Saturday Night Live. Here we go....



I am sure that Kait can be booked for birthday parties, Bat Mitzfas, Weddings, and just a plain ol' saturday night! Please email all fan mail to this blog's website....

AV-ATTARI!

Today I went to the movies. Yes, a dark room with complete strangers, butter-drenched popcorn (sorry cholesterol!) and sticky floors. Why is every movie theatre floor sticky!? Every one! I finally, finally, finally saw James Cameron's "Avatar." I have heard several things since it's opening on Christmas Day. I heard, "the story is weak, but the visuals are great," "It's this generation's Star Wars," "It's better than Star Wars," and even, "It's the smurfs crossed with the Native Americans fighting over oil."

I have read reviews and critic's opinions. I have got plenty of word of mouth buzz. Watching the box office returns reminds me of a time when James Cameron had another small film in theaters you may have heard of. Something about a boat. It sank or something. My heart will go on, or keep beating on, or whatever--.

Well, folks, time has come for my review. I would normally not post a whole review of a movie on my blog, but this movie is altering. I predict a sea-change in the motion picture industry due to "Avatar."I believe that this movie has revolutionized the way films will be made from now on. The technical wizardry is flawless. Flawless. I often forgot that some scenes and sequences were complete digital imagery. That is a big deal, as you can always see a "puppet's strings." Flawless is not a word I use lightly. Cameron spent 15 years developing story, effects, and so on. I think it was time well spent. He has said he has a franchise planned with a deep-space type of narrative taking the audience all around his universe. I want to go to there...

The Na'vi, the alien race depicted, are a polarizing, captivating, wonder of pure cinema magic. Beautiful creatures packed with real, raw emotion, and a deep, reverent history and way of life. Digital creations, they never once look "dead" or lifeless. The eyes are always emoting. The planet of Pandora is beyond imagination. The botanical scenery and lighting alone blows the mind on an epic scale. It is like watching a "lite brite" on extacy. Nothing like this has been put on the silver screen before. Not that I have seen, anyway.

The story is compelling, but at times a bit drab. It is above all a love story, and sometimes that gets weighed down by the science of how the conflict of the film is presented. The science is fascinating, to say the least, and makes the mind just reel. The story was at it's best when it divulged the history and religious beliefs of the Na'vi. Very original, and deep. I think that the conflict between the blue warriors and the human race was a great story, even without a romantic, "Romeo and Juliet" plot for our protagonist. But, we gotta have some kissy kissy!

As expected, the actors do a great job. My hat is off to Sygorney Weaver. She was the most captivating character. She really demonstrated a strong, grufff, flawed, character, that at first is almost unbearable, but evolves and shows an almost child-like hunger for knowledge and faith that caused the audience to have great empathy.

 I did not get to see it in 3D. I imagine it is quite the thrill ride. I will need a vomit bag, I am sure. The scenes shot "flying" are almost like riding the wing of a 747! This film will change cinema in many ways, as I said. It is demonstrating today a new way of bringing folks back to theatres. A way to be transformed to another world, not only in story, but in a "virtual reality" type of way. Big screens, and 3D glasses. Ultimate suspension of disbelief. The plausible impossible. Maybe Hollywood will even resurrect "Smell-O-Vision!"

I highly recommend this film. It is unlike anything seen. A good fantasy/sci-fi/romance/action/drama with political undertones.  Of course political undertones! It was written and developed under the Bush administration! The political undertones could have been left out. You will know them when you see them. Thanks for letting me just nerd out over this movie. It is not everyday or every year even that a film comes along that changes the game. I am totally a nerd for "Avatar." So what? I will take my swirlee now....

 I am sure that Mr. Cameron will be "king of the world" yet again come Oscar night. Also, is it wrong that after the show today I wanted to put on blue makeup and my Whoopi Goldberg wig? Just asking....

GIVE A DAY, GET A DISNEY DAY!!

Here is a couple of my old pals talking about volunteering. Maybe I should organize something, and we can help others, and get a ticket to Disney for helping! Watch the video below. I am going to try not to steal any of Fozzie's jokes.....

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER P...

Good morning! It is January 6, 2009, and I have a funny little news story. First, I want to tell you how polarizing Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, is to me. She is a very strong, bold-faced woman. (Thank you, botox!) She is the first woman ever to be Speaker of the House. She is a democrat. Not that there is anything wrong with that. She is just polarizing to me. Look at that face!

Heathcare is a hot-button, hot-topic, hot-under-the-collar, issue in America. Folks on Capital Hill have been debating it, and think they have come to an agreement. (Sure!) Pelosi and friends have been having several "close-door" meetings and negotiations. (hmmm....) When Speaker of the House Pelosi came out of her chambers, (she did not see her shadow, that is next month....) a throng of press awaited her. One reporter reminded the Democrat that in 2008 then-candidate Obama said that all such negotiations be open to C-SPAN cameras.

“There are a number of things he was for on the campaign trail,” quipped Pelosi, who has no intentions of making the meetings public.  (She really zinged him, didn't she?)

Is she mud-slinging? I think this is evidence that not everyone is getting along in Washington. Last year around this time, I remember President Obama's "non-state-of-the-union-state-of-the-union-address" where everyone applauded him after every phrase, and it was a downright love-fest. It was sweet and sappy, and was like watching Disney take over Washington.  It seems that times have changed.

This story is brought to you by the letter P. Here is what I mean...

So let's see, Pelosi is picking on the president in the press and presently keeping purposed proceedings on healthcare from the public. Petty. Proof of pure patriotism in politics.

(wow, all that set up for that joke, and it wasn't even that funny....)

My hope is that people that we have elected don't act like children and work for the common good.

HAPPY 2010!

Happy New Year! I am back! I took a little vacation to rest my fingers from the keyboard. Ha Ha! I am just kidding- I am lazy.
It seemed that 2009 ended with a bang. A big one. You may have heard it. I had an accident at work, and have since spent almost everyday in bed. Do you wanna hear about the big accident?
It was the day after Christmas. I was at work and had a five minute break in the breakroom next to the kitchen. I got up to head back to the lobby to get back to work, and then, it happened---I hit the floor! I fell right on my backside! I hit some water, and tried to water ski, but I did a scooby-doo type of run in place, and then hit the ground right on my tailbone. It all happened in slow motion. I swear, from the time I hit the slippery floor to the time I hit the actual ground, 30 minutes went by. When I hit the floor, I just sat there like a big baby that just missed his first step. I had a kitchen full of people run to my aid. Panic ensued.  People heard the crash throughout the place. Wine glasses hit the floor. Debris fell from the ceiling. Young mothers clutched their little ones, and hid under the table. People were screaming. It looked like a scene from "The Towering Inferno." Okay, maybe it wasn't bad. I may be exaggerating a little, but it was bad.
I walked away (slowly) with only an injured back. I have since laid low. Baby Huey, here, has been in bed. What a way to end the year with a bang, and start the new one with pain!
I am getting along fine, just resting. To prevent this from happening again, I would wear water-skis to work-- but have you seen my feet? I already do...
I sincerely hope that this year is great for everyone, and it it full of laughter! Stay tuned and it will be!

I HAVE NEVER HURT AN ONION, SO WHY DO THEY MAKE ME CRY?

Scientists have discovered a major breakthrough. I am sure several millions of dollars have been spent at the expense of the tax paying public. This is major. I may be one of the first to break this story: scientists have discovered that vegetables have feelings. Actual, real feelings. They have ways of communicating, and even crying for help. This is real. So, this real study has posed some real questions.

Does this make rabbits and insects some sort of heartless, extreme, radical terrorist group?

Is our annual summer picnics now screaming bloody massacres?


In the history of things does this study rectify Mr. and Mrs. McGregor as some sort of "Homeland Security" for protecting their garden from Peter Cottontail? I think so. 


This will change the way I look at vegetables and food forever. A salad is murder, I don't care how much ranch dressing and croutons you have on it. 


I now look at a potato as obese friends with eyes that see everything. Lots and lots of eyes. Eyes everywhere. 


An onion must need a lot of therapy. I mean, a lot of couch time. The onion has a lot of layers. 


Now, I can't help but feel dirty as I nibble on an ear of corn. 


This is not all bad, though. I feel like a goodwill ambassador. How many times have I sat down and ate my vegetables? I have no idea. I was always getting in trouble for not eating them. I still get into trouble for not eating them, but not anymore. I say to you, tax paying citizens, open your doors and set them free! Open the fridge door, let the sun shine on the broccoli and let them feel sweet freedom! Rip open your freezer door, tear open the bag of peas and encourage them to be free and express their individual rights! 


This study has changed a lot of things. Can you believe it? I mean this is all-important! I am glad to report this information, and don't think that scientists should be doing studies on anything else that may be a little more important like---- well, you know.  

SILVER.....BELLS??

It is almost time for christmas! Here is a little Christmas cheer, This is a picture just to show off my velvet jacket....   What?

















Here is some more Christmas cheer. I still am shocked I got my father, Mike Beecher, to wear all that garland, and pose for pics! This one looks like I got in trouble. I recognize that look, I have got it most of my life.....

2009....WHAT WAS THE BEST AND WORST?

Every year at this time, every magazine in the world puts out a best and worst list. I thought I would jump on this bandwagon. Why not? If everybody else jumps off a bridge....
What was the best moment of 2009? Was it President Obama taking office, and Aretha Franklin wearing a hat that could have been seen from Neptune as she sang?? (It is going to the Smithsonian, by the way.) 
Was it reading Sarah Palin's book, "Going Rouge"?  (It will probably take you longer to read it than it took her to write it....) 
Was it the Muppets singing a Queen classic? (That rocked the world!)
I will say no. For me, it was Susan Boyle. That doughty, drab, middle-aged woman, who came out to sing on some british TV show and blew the whole world away. Her story is like no one else's. I do think that they ruined her look by taking away the "Bert from Sesame Street" eyebrows, the sexy I just rolled out of a gutter hair, and they made her dress in, well, a dress. They really brought her down by dressing her up. I guess that is the price of fame...


Now it is your turn. I want to hear what you think is the worst of 2009. I will post the best answers. I think Jon and Kate + hate = humiliation was a low point. Let me know what you think!!

SAM, AMERICA'S FAVORITE DOG, LOVES HER DAD.....MAYBE....

Pure proof that my dog is smarter than I am. Well, sometimes a stop-sign is smarter than I am. Watch my little horse of a dog, Sam, show her love for her dad. Boy, does she have me wrapped around her little paw! Look at that face!

RINGING OF THE BELLS

Heigh-Ho, folks! What a wonderful week! Christmas is coming and it is a complete blizzard outside where I live! I want to go outside and make a snow angel, but I don't think that our yard is big enough. I need an open field for that sort of thing. 
As an early Christmas gift, the folks over at Muppet Studios have given us another glorious Muppet YouTube video for us to feast upon. It stars those fantastic Muppet linguistics, The Sweedish Chef, Beaker, and one of my favorites, Animal, "singing" "Carol of the Bells." Folks, you have NEVER seen or heard anything like this! Meep, Meep, Meep, Meep, Meep Meep........



Once again, I do not own The Muppets, they belong to The Muppet Studios which is owned by the Walt Disney Company. 


Happy Holidays, and Happy Chanukah to all of our Jewish friends out there! 

THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for coming out to my little horse and pony shows this past weekend. I hope everyone had as much fun as I did putting them on. It was a joy! I want to thank all those who helped me put it together, and all those who didn't ask for their money back! Just a friendly reminder, my comedy album is still ready for pre-order for 12$ and that includes shipping by Dec. 15. Email me for details! Wocka Wocka!

TAKE A LITTLE TIME TO ENJOY THE VIEW.....

Don Buehler is like my father. He pretty much adopted me when I was in high school hanging around their house with their kids, and now he can't get rid of me. The other day I was at home and I conned him into watching "The View" for the first time. I like that show, as they always discuss the hot topics of the day and you always get something to think about. Plus, I need my estrogen fix. I captured his first time watching Whoopi and the girls for your entertainment.....



I bet he tuned in today and watched, and didn't tell anyone....

I HAVE HIT THE BIG TIME....

This is the big weekend for my big comedy shows in the big city of Malad, ID! Naturally, there is a big article in the Idaho Enterprise. You gotta share the joy of my first big write up with me.....



Now when I mean "roll in the hay" I mean, when I fall off my horse I end up rolling in the hay.
ahem......

GRANDMA NEAL IS STILL NOT HAPPY

Let's catch up with everyone's favorite redhead, Grandma Neal! 



At least she didn't tell me to go home this time! But, she better not get any callers, and channel 11 had better get rid of that 
antique show!!

WHERE THE WILD KEYS ARE

I was in Malad, ID a few weeks ago and attended church. When said church was over, I lost my keys. I searched high and low. I tore the chapel apart! I blamed the 2 year old girl sitting next to me, "She took them! I know she did!" I even pulled a cop out of sunday school to slim jim my car open and look for them in there. My alarm went off when this happened, so then we had to unplug my car's battery. Luckily all of this madness and stupidity was caught on my flipcam for you enjoyment......

and I was blaming that poor little girl the whole time.....

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S THE MUPPETS!!

This video has been blowing up the interweb in the past week, so I had to put it on my blog. The Muppets do a stellar cover of Queen. Even if you are a casual Muppet fan, you will get a kick out of this. If you are a pathetic everloving Muppet fan, like me, you can see many of the older characters have been re-built and used. We have been promised upcoming covers of, "Dust in the Wind," "Popcorn" and "Carol of the Bells."  Go ahead and take a look at "Bohemian Rhapsody" as you have never seen it before.....



I don't own the Muppet's (yet) they belong to the Muppet Studios 
and this song 
belongs to the folks that own it.

OPENING NIGHT

Alright kids, tonight and tomorrow night I am doing my stand-up/variety show in Malad, ID at 7pm. call 766-4705, or Cecilia Hess at 766-5558 to reserve your seats for 5$ or it is 7$ at the Door! You DON'T want to miss these shows!!!!! Also I will be pre-selling my studio comedy album for 12$. That baby is gold! haha! Please come!!

TICKETS ARE ON SALE!

That's right kids! Tickets go on sale today for my stand up/variety shows in Malad, ID at the Iron Door Playhouse December 4th and 5th. Call the Theatre to reserve your seats at (208) 766-4705 or (208) 766-2517 or email me. Word on the street is that they will sell out quick. Oy! That means I better get back to writing jokes! I can't guarantee the same show twice!! 

OPRAH, OH OPRAH, WHERE FOR ART THOU MY OPRAH!

Tis' a sad weekend for middle-aged white ladies across the country and abroad. Miss Oprah Winfrey has announced the end of her show in September 2011. She will go on to bigger and better things, but that leads me to anxiously question....
what books are we going to read? 
What are we going to watch everyday at 4 in the afternoon? 
What am I going to get my loved ones for christmas, if I don't have her favorite things show to tell me what to go get!!
What movies will I watch? Without her show promoting oscar contenders I don't know which movies and casts are "heartwarming," or "uplifting" or if they will "change my outlook on life"!!!
Will I ever have an "Aha!" moment again??
But She is leaving us with a few things to keep us in check........
I would have totally forgot about Mackenzie Phillips, not to mention her "relationship" with her father! 
She taught us how to cook with Rachel Ray. 
We learned crazy from Dr. Phil. 
We learned: My Uterus/Myself from Dr. Oz
What else did she give us??? 
Oh yeah, She even gave us Preseident Obama. 

BEHIND THE CURTAIN

Ok, kids, so today I am posting a teeny-tiny little video of myself recording some of the schtick that is to be on my upcoming album....."I am More Than My Feet." I think this the first of many takes we did on this joke. please tell me it is funny..........
And there you have it!

GRANDMA NEAL IS NOT HAPPY

I was visiting with my sweet Grandmother Neal and Aunt Sharon on Monday night and all things were going well, until I started asking them about their day. That is when I whipped out the flip cam, and caught grandma's rampage. As you watch the film below, know that she has no idea she is being filmed! What a good sport! There will for sure be a follow up on her search for PERRY MASON......

THE ALBUM IS DONE!

Hey there folks, so just a quick update, I spent last tuesday night in the studio finishing up my shtick for my comedy album titled, "I am more than my feet."It should be ready for purchase thru this website, itunes, or the trunk of my car on Dec 1. I will post some video tomorrow of me clowning around in the studio, and such, tomorrow.

AN OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE

So, I have a close friend named Alicia. She is the "White Queen Latifah,"and we have been besties before You Tube, The First Computer, The Berlin Wall, Peal Harbor, The Motor Car was Invented, Moses wandered in the wilderness, and before a guy Adam met....well, you get the point, we have been friends for a long time. Well, we have family who kindly pushes or prods and maybe gossips that we should date and get married, so here is our response.....

Sorry I said "Suck It!" I know better than that. I was just caught up in the heat of the moment.....

A SERIOUS NOTE

In the spring, my Grandfather passed. He was about as close to perfect as a human being as you can become. I learned from him every time we spoke. He was a veteran of WWII and what would have been his 91st birthday is coming up on sunday. He looked and acted 20 years younger. I miss and think and am inspired by him everyday. He was a true hero in the smallest and biggest of ways. I am posting this to celebrate him, and to share some of the joy and wit that he had about him. He may have passed that on to one of his grandsons. Maybe. This was taken the first time I showed them my new car. I put my shades on him and this is how they posed. They are the ultimate in cool.......

MARY CHRISTMAS

So, I was at work the other night, taking names on the waiting list, and I had a very pleasant lady give me her name, which was "Merry." I asked her where her little lamb was, and she laughed and told me that she was born on Christmas day and it was spelled as in "Merry Christmas" and even had the middle name of "Chris." I called B.S. and asked to see some ID, skeptical. Sure enough! I have never of anyone having that!!!  I almost died. How funny! What if she was born on Easter, of Thanksgiving, or Leap Year? She was so nice and I think appreciated the good laugh that I got out of her name. If you are reading this, Merry, I would love to do an interview with you. It would be fun and silly. Contact me thru email or such. This story should put a little "Joy" in ya'll's hearts today.....

A STAR IS BORN

So, this is my married co-worker named Melissa. She is crazy. She begged to be on the blog. So here is some of her finest, well, our finest moments......

                                                                                                                                                                              Here we are pulling our sorry, sad, pouty lip faces. Heavy on the sad for sure. Maybe we should be the faces for charities this holiday season. We look pathetic. 

I stuck a pager sticker (they are WAY sticky, by the way! My eyebrows don't need to be waxed this month!) to my forehead. Don't worry, I am a paid professional. When your table is ready I will shake and light up. 

And Finally, she won a Snuggie on Halloween for winning the gave we were playing. A Snuggie? Really? I mean REALLY? I have one too! It's called a bathrobe and all I need to do is wear it backwards!! 

Though it doesn't look like it, we actually do work. Mostly. Almost.  

HE'S MAKIN' A LIST, CHECKIN' IT TWICE......

So, I was at work at *Corporate America* a few weeks ago, (yes, I have a mustache in that pic....) and a heavy set jolly man in red came waltzing in. He was in line to have me put his name on the list to get a table. Well, as I saw him, I suddenly became a 5 year old, and began swaying back and forth as I was doing the "Pee-Pee" dance. It was SANTA!! The real deal. He had a real beard white as snow, all dressed in red with even a red cap on and black buckle shoes!!  He greeted everyone and was jolly and nice and had some nice friends with him. He told me that so far I have been on the good list this year, but I am only hanging on by a thread. 
I asked him it he had heard the song "Santa Clause is coming to town." He looked at me like I was a rock. "Yes, of course I do." "Well," I said,"That song has made me an insomniac. You see me when I am SLEEPING you know when I am AWAKE. The whole song sounds like a threat. I better be nice because your coming to town? What are you packin' a baseball bat or bringin' the mob? Seriously I have insomnia." He laughed really hard, and told me to calm down, and that was no big deal, but he did tell me that I snored a lot.....

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

Have you ever wondered, like me, what Yoda drives? You know, when he is not in any of those pesky George Lucas movies about princesses, and the dark side, and killer flashlight swordfights? Well, the other day, I found out answer, a mazda3..........
(and yeah, I took this while I was driving. I am kind of daredevil that way.....)