DEATH-DEFYING! (at wal-mart)

Alright folks, I just about died. Literally, like 20 or so minutes ago I almost bit the dust. I have decided to let you folks on the blog hear my tragic story.

I went to go get key lime pie ice cream from the wal-mart on the corner (who doesn't have a wal-mart on their corner? well, maybe Malad...) and I could have never came back. I went in the door clearly marked ENTRANCE. It was there that I almost met my fate. I looked down as I noticed something on my shoe, looked up, and had to jump out of the way! "Susie the Soccer Mom" (say that with a lisp, it's funnier.....) had a cart full and was almost on a dead run out the door (marked ENTRANCE, not EXIT, maybe she couldn't read the very large letters.)!!

People who steal things do not even go as fast as she did, and with her full cart! If she was going any faster she would have time traveled!!! She didn't even see me. DIDN'T EVEN SEE ME! ME! I was even wearing my pink polo! (hey, I'm comfortable) How do you not see an 8 ft tall kid wearing a pink shirt!? Imagine if I hadn't of looked up! She would have hit me and knocked me to the ground, and it would have ended up on the news. " Coming up at 10, child in pink shirt maimed by soccer mom. More as this story develops....."

This got me thinking. Grocery stores need a few changes.

• They need horns for their carts. Bicycle horns for when you get cut off in an aisle. Air horns when you get cut in front of in the check out line.
• Stop lights at the corner of each aisle. This way I don't almost side-swipe some poor old lady while she is walking to buy paper towels.
• I also think that there should be a side car for children and big kids. This is just for fun. Wouldn't this be fun!?
• In the checkout lines, there should be a grocery counter in the 20 items or less line. It always ticks me off if you are before me with 21 items!
• The doors should also always be marked ENTRANCE and EXIT very clearly with as many lights as a vegas resort. We don't want another travesty like today's on our hands.
• They should also consider using referees. They blow the whistle and call a fowl on any unnecessary roughness! "Sir you are bruising that peach! Put it down and walk away! 10 yard penalty!"

"Susie the Soccer Mom" would have definitely got a call today. I am sure she is in her mini-van somewhere without a clue that she almost killed a child (me) today!!! Poor lady.